D/S Relationships

I have recently begun studying D/s seriously, and I’ll share what I think I’ve learned.  D/s can truly be about more than sex.  Yes, sex is a powerful emotion between two people, but good D/s can be good for your whole life.


I’m learning that a satisfying D/s sex life is based on real trust and a mutual giving.  A woman can give a man unlimited, unqualified love, physical and emotional.  This makes her vulnerable to be hurt.  In order for a man to get the most a woman can give, he must make her safe and take good care of her.

A lot of people jump to the conclusion that D/s is one-sided, that it’s all about men abusing or domineering women.  In a healthy, satisfying D/s relationship, the D takes care of the needs of the s and the s wants to please the D.  Domination is not domineering.

Apply the lessons of the bedroom to the rest of your relationship.  (I’m going to use the more common Male/fem for this discussion.)  A good D makes his partner safe.  He pays the mortgage on time.  He changes the battery in the smoke detector.  He provides structure by giving his s rules to live by.  He provides security by dispensing discipline.  Asking permission to go out with drinks with her friends is more than just a sex game, it’s an opportunity for her D to establish that she’ll be safe.  Where is she going?  Who will be there?  Will there be a designated driver?

We have a rule:  she is not to get in or out of the car until I open the door.  This reminds us both that not only will I be in total control in bed, but I am also responsible for making sure that she is safe.  Are there muggers in the parking lot?  Angry dogs?  Is it raining?  Do we need an umbrella?  Trivial?  No.  Good habit?  I think so.

Another rule is she is not to eat any desserts or sweets herself.  I must feed them to her.  This reinforces the idea that all pleasure comes from me, but it’s also romantic, especially in a nice restaurant.  It’s attentive as well as kinky.  And if she sneaks a candy bar at work, she gets a spanking.  Kinky fun?  Yes.  Also good for her health.  Reminds me to practice some self-discipline too.  We only have sweets together.

She’s always happy to see me.  I’m learning that it’s my responsibility to earn that.